Sunday, December 16, 2012
Back to speaking in church. The spirit of Christmas comes from being focused on the Savior and trying to do the things He would do, I think. He is the ultimate symbol of God's love for us; through Him, we can hope to return to Heavenly Father. I'm so grateful for the gift of the Savior and that we can turn to Christ for healing and find peace.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Tomorrow feels like a big deal to me because I feel like it will tell me if I am part of a traditional minority living in a too-quickly-approaching post-America society or if there are still those who believe in the American experiment and WASP-ish ideals.
And, by the way, I support Romney.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
He also said that there are certain emotions that he doesn't feel now, so I offended him by kind of asking if he's a sociopath. Ahem. I know that's not the most flattering thing to ask someone, but I was trying to understand.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
- Is it worth it to go out with a ton of guys - does that actually help you find a keeper, or does it just mean a lot more "not going to go anywhere" dates?
- Should I stop paying money to a site to "meet" people?
- Will I ever find anyone I connect with?
Okay, a little dramatic, but you get to feeling a little dramatic sometimes when you don't see success.
Other than that, it was a good week, and now I've actually been to a corn maze. It was really nice to go to my mission reunion and see my mission president and his wife, as well as a couple of missionaries I served with. I got to spend some time with my brother and his family, and I watched a bunch of Monk with my grandma, which is always a good time.
General Conference was amazing, as always. As I go back through the talks, maybe I will post on them.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Later, back at my sister's house, she presented me with cupcakes decorated and arranged to look like a flower. My niece asked me what color of cupcake I wanted because she was hoping for one of the pink ones, I think. My favorite color is yellow, so I took the center of the flower, and she got one of the many pink petals. Once again, it was so fun to watch my nephew. First, while everyone was singing to me, he was fun because he just grinned and looked sort of embarrassed (I don't know if he thought it was his birthday.). Then, once he got his cupcake, he spent his time trying to shove as much of it in his mouth in as little time as possible. My dad got some great pictures. If he emails them to me, maybe I'll post one (or more) on here.
Also, my nephew is starting to say a few words. My sister tried to get him to say "I love you" to me, and he did! It came out something like "I-uh-oo." So cute.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
She had her medal (the freestyle relay team she was a part of won the silver) with her, and she let the kids come up and hold it. I thought that was really cool of her, and I had to go up and touch it, too, so that I can say that I've touched an Olympic medal. What an experience it must have been for her to be a part of the Olympics. I was impressed with how much she said it meant for her to represent a country that she loves so much. I loved the patriotism I felt from her - so cool.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I mess up in plenty of areas, so I don't say this self-righteously - you never regret doing the right thing, even if it's hard to do in the moment.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Here's a picture of my niece and me from a couple of weeks ago:
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Besides seeing the kids, which is always a highlight for me, I had a date yesterday morning. I think it was a really nice blessing to have a date on this particular weekend. There's this guy who I have never met in person who was going to be down relatively near my sister's place, and he and I met up for breakfast (He had to catch his flight back home yesterday morning, too.). I didn't feel any sparks, but it was a pleasant breakfast and a nice way to start the day (even though I do not love getting up early). Definitely one of the better-looking guys that I've been out with - tall, dark, handsome, deep voice, masculine build. :) The odds that I will see him again aren't good, but it's nice to go out sometimes, and, as I already said, it was especially nice this weekend.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
I am so grateful to live in the U.S. I am frustrated with the recent Supreme Court ruling on the Affordable Healthcare Act, I don't understand why anyone still supports Pres. Obama, etc. I think it's a testament to how inspired the Founding Fathers were when they set up our government the way they did because even with a cruddy economy, corrupt leaders, and way too much government, I still live pretty well, and I still have a lot of freedom. I really need to use that freedom to actively work to uphold our Constitution and the things that our ancestors fought for.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Dracula: the Bram Stoker one. I enjoyed it; I've always had this thing for vampires (well before Twilight), but I have never read the original story. One of my friends gave it to me as a gift quite awhile back, and I finally got around to reading it. I have to admit that I'm glad that I read a lot of it while on vacation and sharing a room with my mom because it was a little creepy. But it was also full of brave characters and good conquering evil and gender stereotypes from the time, which I also liked.
Sorcery & Cecelia: or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot, by Patricia Wrede and Caroline Stevermer. Juvenile fiction. It was a very quick read (I could have easily kept reading all the way through, but I finally made myself go to bed and split it into a couple of days). The story is written as letters between two cousins in Victorian England times. I learned after reading it that it seems the authors wrote the book as a game. They wrote actual letters to each other - one as one character, the other as the other, I believe. And they didn't talk plot hardly at all, which sounds neat. Cool idea, and it turned into something fun and entertaining to read.
These is My Words, by Nancy E. Turner. Maybe you've already read it, as I think it's kind of popular. I'm only somewhere around the middle of it, but, man!, am I enjoying it. It is written as the journal of a woman who lived in the Arizona territories in the late nineteenth century. I believe it is based on an actual woman, and I want to know how much is true because it's quite the sensational story so far.
Anyway, I recommend all of the books. I'm looking forward to reading more before the summer's over (which is in one month for me - boo!), and I feel almost justified because I am a reviewer for a friend's website (although someone already did These is . . ., I think).
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
(Which, allow me to insert a little observation about online dating here. When you meet someone in person, you take everything in at once. Your impression is based on a combination of sensory input. Online is different - in a strange way, impressions are formed more thoroughly, or at least over and over. First, you take in how the person writes. If grammar isn't a big deal, maybe you don't notice so much. But if you're like me, you definitely notice, and the writing makes an impression on you. Does he write intelligently? Or is it text shorthand? How's his grammar?
Then maybe you speak on the phone - yet another layer where opinions are formed. Does he have a nice voice? Is it high? Low? Does he have an accent (like the rancher I went out with awhile back)?
Finally you may actually meet, and then the physical appearance is added in. You already have an idea on this because of pictures, but this is where you find out better the potential for attraction.
I think we make all of these judgements with people we meet normally - well, you don't see how the person writes, but by talking to them you get an idea of some of the same things - but do you see how online drags it out and can make each part of the person a little more important? Anyway, I've been thinking about that with this most recent boy.)
So what started as just a thought of a fun one-time date started to change into something more hopeful. I stalked him early on and found his websites and thought they were kind of neat, too. Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm too stupid for looking forward to meeting the guy, and I hope you can understand my disappointment when the dude texted me today to bail. It's just a shame that I don't get to actually meet him in person because I feel like we might be the same kind of nerds and we might have actually had a good time. I felt like things changed after that conversation last week, and I guess I was right - sometimes it stinks to be right, by the way. Not that I'm often right, but sometimes I am, and some of those times I would rather not be. Well, he was a nice guy, and I guess if he doesn't want to go out, it's good that he let me know now. He wasn't a jerk - he just met someone else he'd rather get to know or something. I just wish I could suppress the hope a little bit so that I wouldn't feel the disappointment quite as much.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Anyway, I continue to feel foolish and immature, but I just don't like the idea of seeing them because it hurts. It feels uncomfortable. As one of my roommates said, "They're fine and happy, and you're left in the dust." I told Lu that I don't know if I'll be able to handle it until I'm in another relationship and she suggested that that is because it is then that I will feel like my heart is safe - there might be some truth to that. In the meantime, I might continue to avoid seeing them as much as I can - except for in my dreams, which they seem to visit frequently. Now I just have to decide if I can go through with getting together with my friend, which I think she wants to do. If I don't want to deal with it, (as Lu pointed out) she's in happy engaged land, so she will be okay.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Last night, they were taking engagement pictures. I think my friend's mother was driving a van to his place. I was sitting in the back, and I think my friend, his fiance, was up front, along with her sister, maybe (who is also my friend). I told my friend that I would probably leave his place before he got there. He showed up while I was outside behind his house. I delayed getting out of there for a moment, thinking it was too late to make my escape. But then I still decided to go, and I walked across the back of his house and to a nearby university, where I think I kept walking through different places, trying to stay away and unseen by him. As I came out of one building, I saw a good friend of mine (also a good friend of the ex's) with his wife. I was surprised to see them because they live abroad, but there they were. I asked them if they were there to see my ex, or if they had already seen them, or something. "What?" So I pointed up these stairs and down the way a little bit, to where my ex and his fiance were in the middle of pictures - I think they were kissing. Then I went in the building, to try to find a football game that my friend who's abroad encouraged me to attend. Random dream and not random at the same time - good ol' sub-conscious.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
a) it made the ex-boy's engagement much more bearable
b) I liked it.
However, once again I'm feeling pretty confused at being told one thing and then feeling like the guy 180'd on what he said. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm scared that I might not be. Uggh. Frustration!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
"I do not know who in this vast audience today may need to hear the message of forgiveness inherent in this parable [He spoke of the parable of the laborers of the vineyard - Matthew 20.], but however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.
"Whether you are not yet of our faith or were with us once and have not remained, there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning. 'Come boldly [to] the throne of grace,' and fall at the feet of the Holy One of Israel. Come and feast 'without money and without price' at the table of the Lord."
(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Laborers in the Vineyard," April 2012 General Conference)
Isn't it amazing what Christ's atonement can do for us? We just have to let it. We have to be willing to try to believe that the Savior can and will help us, no matter what we have or have not done. That's the tricky part because we will have thoughts that we can't change or that we've gone too far. Or we hold on to hurt and pain and anger and refuse to let go of the things that hold us back from feeling Christ's love like we could feel it.
The resurrection of Jesus Christ was such an important event because it gives us hope that He really was the Son of God and that Heavenly Father's plan for us really will be fulfilled. And, because Christ was resurrected, we will all be resurrected. The resurrection lets us know that we really can trust in the Savior and turn to Him. I believe I will spend the rest of my life trying to learn how to let Him help me, but He is loving and patient and will allow me to keep learning throughout my life, for which I am very grateful.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Such a strange feeling it is to find out things sometimes - things that we have no control over. I think I'm in shock at the moment, and that's such a weird thing to go through. Hints of tears and wondering if I will get to more than hints at some point. Well, Devin just called, which helped to get that going a little. He's going to let me hang out with him for a little while this evening. "That's probably kind of awkward. You probably still want to be good friends with her." Yes and yes.
The mixture of feelings is so strange because they are so different. There's the relief of the finality of it. The thought that maybe I will be able to let go of my commitment to him a little more. The thought that it's going to be a heck of a reception for me to attend - hey, I've even had a gift for my friend if it worked out (one that she gave me when I was dating him, but now it should be hers). A little hurt - but maybe the hurt is more about not being in control. A calmness that I can't figure out - is it a blessing from God? shock? something unhealthy because I'm hiding stronger feelings somewhere inside me?
And I was just going to come home and read The Hunger Games and daydream about the rancher. :}
Sunday, March 25, 2012
To address the title of my post - I have joined another online site. I have been kind of unimpressed by what I have seen so far, but I think society is changing so much with technology, and I feel like online is another facet of the dating scene now, so here I am (or, at least, maybe the older a person gets, the more it becomes part of the scene). I actually went on this group get-to-know-more-people thing last night. One of my friends puts together some sort of activity every-so-often, and we invite a ton of people, and then she puts everyone into different groups, so that we can become acquainted with more people while doing something fun. Last night's activity was going to dinner at a local restaurant (but one that is international in theme - the one I went to was Malaysian - yummy!) and then meeting back up for dessert with everyone. My friend made me one of the table captains, which meant that I was just in charge of trying to keep people in my group informed (which I didn't do because I was driving back from my trip - but I had a partner, fortunately) about where to go and when, etc., and I was supposed to try to keep the conversation going at dinner. Anyhow, I didn't know the other table captain - a dude. He seemed really nice, though, and I was reminded that there are people near my age who are in similar places in their lives. I am glad for the reminder that I do have peers.
However, although I would happily get to know him better, he showed absolutely no interest in me, while at the same time, this other guy has written me, and he'll be near my town this week, and do I want to go to dinner? I still don't like the stigma that I feel comes with online dating. More importantly, I don't like not knowing if the person is who he says he is. Even with a blind date, although I don't know the guy, someone that I do know does and is recommending the person. But online - there isn't that kind of reference for the person. But I'm trying to keep an open mind, so I hope the men are legit (although it probably wouldn't hurt to buy some pepper spray, right?).
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Anyhow, I noticed a comment from a friend of mine about this particular site, and I investigated and decided to sign in because it was free. I didn't really think about what I could be getting myself into, so when I got a long email from a man, I got kind of nervous and thought, "Wait! I'm not that serious about it. Maybe I shouldn't have signed up. Now what?" This man asked if I would do him the courtesy of writing back, even if it was to tell him that I wasn't interested.
I took several days, but finally I did write. He has kids, so I was honest and told him that's not what I want (I do want kids, but I'd kind of like to start a family with someone else who's ready to start a family). I also told him that we could just be pen-pals if he wanted and that it would be a long shot for anything else. Since then, we've written back and forth daily. He writes long emails, and you know how much I can write, so I've learned several things about him. I have been somewhat surprised to find that we have many things in common.
He doesn't live in my city, but I went out of town on Thursday, and I was going to be near his town, so I suggested we meet. Even with the kids and one or two other concerns, I wanted to give him a chance (I mean, he's giving me one, right?). I figured that meeting up would give me the opportunity to figure out if there was any chemistry between us, besides just having things in common. We met at a restaurant for dinner, and I spent three hours there talking with him, but I just didn't feel anything. In fact, I think I felt kind of turned off. It wasn't a bad date. It was fine, and we obviously had things to talk about, but I did not accept his offer to do something the next night.
I think he's a decent guy, and the fact that he has a bunch of kids doesn't really bother me. In fact, they kind of tug at my heart-strings and at the mother part of me because they're innocent little people who ought to be part of a forever family.
You also know how much I want to get on with that part of my life, so it's kind of depressing to feel like, "No." I want it to work with someone. Most guys are totally not interested in giving me that kind of chance, so it's frustrating when a good guy is willing to try and I don't feel like I can in return. It's tempting to try to force it, but I think I've already been down that road, and it didn't work. Not only that, but maybe he would take me up on it, and it would be unfair to him and to me. So I think I know what I need to do, but I have to make myself actually do it, and I don't quite want to.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Another wonderful blessing was seeing the concert. The Choir is so good! My friend isn't in it anymore, so I don't have him to look for in it, but it's just a great choir. They sang a variety of songs, and each number was beautiful. I recommend attending one of their concerts at least once in your life (that includes their broadcasts. You can attend their broadcasts for free, by the way.).
And the other super big blessing of the evening was running into a friend of mine who I haven't seen for seven years (if I calculated correctly). Once upon a time, I attended a community college. My first semester there I had four wonderful roommates. One of my roommates had an older brother who was also attending the college. He was totally good-looking, very cool, and one of the most eligible bachelors on campus. Because I lived with and was friends with his sister, I got to be friends with him, too. I knew he would never date me, so I set out for a brother/sister relationship, and it worked. He became a kind older brother to me, and I loved him. I graduated and went on my mission. When I got back, I attended my roommate's wedding and got to see him there, which was really nice. I think that was seven years ago. Since that time, I have thought about him occasionally, and I have stalked him a little on Facebook. During intermission last night, this couple had to get past us to get to the aisle. As they passed by, I had to do a double-take. He was already in the aisle when I finally said, "Brother?" Okay, I really said his name, but anyhow. He turned around and looked at me for a minute, and then, "What the heck?" and I got myself out to the aisle and into a hug. I met his wife. They went potty, and while I waited I sat and almost cried because it was so neat to run into him (and my emotions have been running kind of high). I didn't even think he lived in the state - which I guess he does, but still - what are the odds? When he and his wife returned, I realized that there was nobody sitting in the seats between him and my little group, so I just went over and sat by him the rest of the time. We didn't get to talk much, since it was a concert. I wanted to link my arm in his and just enjoy the contact with someone I really care about, but he's married, and I don't know if that's okay, so I didn't. But at least I got to sit next to him and be by my friend. I didn't get to talk to him after the concert, either; his father-in-law is in the Choir, so my friend and his wife jetted to go meet up with dad. But I saw him and hugged him, and I met his wife, who seems really nice, and it was great to have that brief reunion. And now I know where he's at, so maybe I can take a little road-trip sometime.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I didn't get to class early today, so I just walked in and quietly found a spot on the dance floor. It took awhile for Bob to notice that I was there, but when he did - "Oh. Everybody, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is everybody." And I was surprised and pleased that he knows my name. Isn't that silly? He's been teaching me, so it makes sense, but for some reason it often surprises me when people know my name. Maybe part of that is because I'm so terrible at remembering names, myself.
Later on, he suddenly asked me how I was doing, or what was up, or something. I can't recall what he had us all working on at the time, but I was busy being frustrated with myself over not doing whatever-it-was correctly. Then he explained to the other woman there, "She just had this look on her face. I needed to check in." So I don't know what is going on with my facial expressions - a long time ago the mother of one of my friends told me that I had a great poker face, but that must not always be the case.
I think that Bob is a kindred spirit, though, so I really like him, and he can say about anything to me that he wants to. I was leaving the studio right when he was going outside for a smoke, so I told him a little about The Artist for a few minutes. I feel like he would probably like it. We also talked The Hunger Games, which I still need to read (and intend to read before the movie comes out). And we talked steampunk, which he seems to really like. I don't think I have read anything that could be classified as steampunk, but I like some of the art okay. Maybe I should give it a try. Have any of you read it? Opinions?
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Aren't compliments the best? They can make a person uncomfortable, but they're nice, all the same.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
My sister and her family were in town this weekend. I didn't get to see them until today, however. Anyhow, Britt's parents attend the same congregation that I do. I was one of the speakers at church, so I didn't get to sit with my family during that hour, but I did get to see them walk in. It was so fun watching my niece's face when she saw me, and it was cute watching her tell her mother where I was and then tell her father the same thing when he came in. (It was also cute listening to her tell us how she "wasn't reverent" while I was speaking today.)
After the meeting was over, I started heading down to get my hug, and fortunately, it looked like Emilee was ready for the hug, too, because she ran to and flung her arms around me and just held on for awhile after I picked her up. I think that is one of the best things ever - having a baby with his/her little arms tight around your neck because he/she just loves you.
She did that again when her family was going to leave my house after lunch this afternoon. She said she wanted to stay with Jamie, and she just held me. Can you see why I love her so much?
Monday, January 23, 2012
Anyhow, I was a little nervous about being able to hang with the group, so I Youtube'd an instructional video just to remind myself of the basic step. I think I kept up with the class okay. That doesn't mean I was good. It just means that maybe Bob was right and I was at an appropriate level class. Cristina, the instructor, kept us switching partners very regularly during the whole hour, so I got to dance with each man several times. One of the men complimented my connection - I should tell my friend Brian - that is one of the things that he always stresses about dancing - the importance of a good connection. Maybe I should thank Warren and him because I have been told I have good form. Although there was another man who I danced with tonight who may have disagreed with that. He corrected the positioning of my right arm more than once (which I'm glad for. How can I improve if nobody corrects me?). Another man was my favorite. I wouldn't say that dancing with him was better than dancing with any of the other men, but he was really positive and encouraging and complimentary. "That was really good." "You've danced this a lot, haven't you?" What a sweet-heart. His wife is lucky.
Oh - here's the funniest part of tonight. Cristina tried to teach us that sexy move where the woman comes up and then down the man's right leg with her left. It looks so beautiful when pro's do it, but I'm sure I looked like a total doofus. Knowing that probably made me that much worse at it. One man said something about my looking embarrassed, to which I explained, "Well, yeah. I don't know how to be all tango-y about it." Sometime tonight I remembered Bob telling me that you're not supposed to smile during tango, which probably made me smile more. Maybe I just needed a rose between my teeth.
Anyways, I'm glad I was able to go, but I much prefer dancing with Bob and can't wait for Thursday.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Other than dance, my life is feeling a bit busy at the moment as I try to adjust to a new task in it. Figuring out how to balance everything can be a challenge, but it is also good to feel like you're doing things that will help you develop new talents and skills and become a better human being with more to offer.
Friday, January 13, 2012
My groupon includes one "Practice Party," which is a dance they hold most Fridays. All of the dances are posted on lists throughout the room; I would imagine it is so you don't have to wonder what it is if you're not so good at distinguishing them, like me. I was planning on saving my dance for the end of my private lessons, but Bob told me he expected to see me there, and he didn't accept the excuses I made, so I decided to go tonight. It was great! I didn't dance the whole evening; in fact, I sat there for most of it. However, I did dance a little at the beginning and a little at the end. One of the instructors danced with me, and even though I stink, he told me that I do have a good frame (which is part of what Bob has worked on with me). Another man I danced with (who was pretty good) told me the same thing, so that gives me hope that I have something kind of okay. There were a couple of nice men who were really patient when they asked me for dances that I don't know or am particularly challenged at, like west coast swing. Warren did that one with me a lot, and that was probably my saving grace on that dance tonight. The last dance was bachata - one of my favorite Latin dances. I had thought of asking Bob if he would do that one with me, but I ended up asking this guy that I had danced with earlier. I think he said he didn't know it, but it's really easy (probably why I like it so much), and we didn't get fancy with it, so it went alright.
I kept hoping Bob would notice me and come dance with me, but I don't think he did for most of the evening. Watching him dance with other people - especially those who are more proficient - was interesting, though. He looks really good out there - smooth - like butter. There was one time that this woman pointed out a couple of sets of instructors who were dancing a bolero, and I really enjoyed watching one of the couples. So beautiful.
Bob finally did notice me, and he danced with me a couple of times. We danced 2 step the first time, which he hasn't taught me, but fortunately the basic step for that is not hard, and I've done it before. I think I came out of one of my shoes on that one - oops! He told me that I'm ready to go dance at this bar that plays country stuff (too bad I don't like country). The second one was cha-cha, and he kind of "Ba, ba, ba-ba-ba"-ed it, probably for my benefit.
And so I have discovered that I do like to dance. In fact, I think I'm in love with it. I haven't felt this excited about something for a long time - not since I took African history maybe, and that was years ago (Yes, I am a nerd, but you already know that). It brings joy to my soul. It makes a wonderful deposit into my emotional bank account. It gives me energy and renewal. And I haven't felt like I've had many deposits for kind of a long time, so maybe that's why it's so exciting to me. If the honeymoon doesn't end before my lessons do, it's going to be a sad Jamie that last day.
Not only that, but I didn't realize how much I lucked out on getting Bob. During last night's lesson I thought I overheard one of the other instructors telling her students that Bob was co-owner of the place, but I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. Tonight, when other people there would ask me who my instructor was, after hearing my reply I got responses like, "Wow. All the way to the top, huh?" "You mean, Bob, like, Bob who owns this place. Wow. He doesn't usually take new students." Etc. It makes me feel more intimidated - and more lucky. And it's going to make it even harder for me to say, "I can't. You don't know how badly I want to continue taking lessons, but I can't afford it," because it sounds like I've lucked out on landing him as an instructor. I definitely feel like he's a good teacher. He explains things in ways that make sense, and dancing with him is really fun. He's so good that he makes up for me stinking so bad. However, I noticed that coaching (which is different from private lessons, I believe) from him is $80 for one hour. ONE hour - $80. Do you see why I feel so sad? I'm thinking I need to get a second job. I need to write a best-seller. Something. If you have any ideas or are independently wealthy and feel like sponsoring me in what could be a passion in life (and I don't have many of those), let me know.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
However, I made it into the ballroom. I filled out paperwork. I met my instructor (who, incidentally, reminded me of the guy friend who I admire most). I didn't vomit. I didn't cry. We danced. In our half hour lesson (which actually went over, wasn't that nice of him?) we went over the basics on foxtrot, waltz, rumba, cha-cha, east coast swing, and salsa, if I recall correctly. And I liked it. I loved the direct instruction. I feel like this is what I've been waiting for. I already know the basic steps, but I feel like I never get better. The group setting I've experienced hasn't felt helpful. This time I had someone who knows what he's doing and was there for me and able to give me feedback, pointers, and instruction in a way that I could mostly understand.
I think he told me he's easy the first lesson, but things change after that, so I will have to see how I feel about things after the next lesson. If I continue to like it, though, those four lessons are going to end way too soon because I don't think I can afford more. Maybe I will have to get a second job. You see, I feel like other people have at least one or two things that they're really into. I don't feel like I have that. I try to justify it by saying, "I like people, not things," but I think it would be nice to enjoy something enough to be willing to put in the time to become proficient at it. And I don't know if I can be a proficient dancer, but I kind of want to find out.
1) Get into a relationship, decide you might want to marry the person, and then get broken up with. I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time with this. It is not a very dependable method, however, as I feel like one's body can react on the other extreme, in which case you just put on the pounds, probably only making you feel that much worse. Not only that, maybe the person won't break up with you. Maybe you actually will get married, and then you'll put on more weight (although maybe you won't care then). So this isn't a very good route to go.
2) Get sick. I just lost three pounds in two days that way. Once again, I don't think this is very dependable because you can't count on being sick for appropriate amounts of time to lose weight and not have to see a doctor. And being sick isn't fun, either.
3) Diet. This is my most successful method for weight-loss so far. The drawbacks are that you have to be willing to do it FOREVER. And you might be cranky at first. However, unlike the first two methods, I think you come out of most of the cranky phase and can still have fun with life.
I am hoping to implement another method soon, which I have used before - exercise. I haven't been successful at losing weight through exercise for several years. It took working out for quite awhile each day to see results with that, and I'm not willing to put that much time into it on a regular basis. I was good at running for awhile after the last breakup, but that didn't work. I mean, I felt like I was in better shape, physically (probably mentally, too), but I didn't lose weight. Now, if I could run in conjunction with my diet, that might be a breakthrough for me.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I decided awhile ago that I have entered Jamie's Lonely Time, and while 2012 is beginning that way, by the end of this new year I hope to be done with that and into a new place. I haven't actually written down goals yet, but I'm hoping to form new relationships and learn new things - oh, and keep dropping pounds. Recently I texted some of my siblings and quoted a line from the Harrison Ford Sabrina. My brother-in-law wanted to know if that meant that I was going to cut my hair, get a black dress, and wear dark lipstick. Although that's not my literal plan, and I can't go to Paris to find myself, I do hope that I can transform myself into something better and more confident and content.
I wish you a very good and meaningful 2012 full of growth and happiness (happiness even when life doesn't go the way you envision it).
One of my friends was in town this week. I always like to see him when I get a chance; given the news I received earlier in the week, I especially hoped to get some time with my friend. He called me and asked if I was going to this dance for the 18-30 year old people at one of the churches. I didn't want to remind him that I am 31, but I did tell him that I hadn't been planning on attending. "Jamie, you gotta go with me!"
"But I already have plans to go to another party that evening that will be with people who are closer to my age, and I think I will be much more comfortable there," I could have said. But this is my friend, one of the bookend boys I wrote about a couple of years ago, and I didn't want to pass up the chance to see him before he left for school again. So I said okay, and I was excited to have at least a friend date because I don't think I have had even one of those for a very long time.
Then I proceeded to NOT look forward to the dance more and more, as well as be kind of bummed that I wasn't going to go hang out with "my people" (even though I don't really know them and was just making an assumption that they were my people - however, whether or not that assumption was true, it seems much more certain than a dance full of 18-30 year old people who would probably be on the younger side).
Friday was the day of the dance. I spent most of the day alone, which isn't good for me in my current mood, but I finally began to clean the laundry room with a vengeance, and that helped. I texted Bookend Boy for a time, so I would know when I needed to be ready for my friend date. He replied and in addition to answering my question, informed me that some other people needed a ride, so we would just have a little party.
The news made me only that much more excited - or not. After offering to drive myself, he called and told me who he was bringing, and I was happy to realize I would feel comfortable with the other kids. He came and picked me up and the four of us went to the dance and - I had a good time. It's been so long since I've danced, and though I think I have been somewhat ruined by realizing how stupid the way we dance looks, and I feel like ballroom or salsa, etc., are really the way to dance, I have to admit that I kind of like bopping around a little. And it was great to see my friend, of course. He's a really good example of kindness to me; I love being around people like him because they remind me to try to be better.