It Finally Happened

If I had written last night, my post would have been, "He thinks I'm cuuuuttteee!" (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) because that's what the nice guy I went out with last night told me. But I didn't write it last night, and I just found out that my ex-boy and my dear friend are engaged, and so my thoughts are now in this numb, strange place. I'm glad the thought came to me that it might happen this weekend - even though I didn't even know if they were still dating or how that was going. But I got an email from him the other day - not saying anything about any of that. Then I noticed on Facebook that it was her birthday. It's also General Conference this weekend, and she lives near the conference, so I had some thoughts about where he might be.

Such a strange feeling it is to find out things sometimes - things that we have no control over. I think I'm in shock at the moment, and that's such a weird thing to go through. Hints of tears and wondering if I will get to more than hints at some point. Well, Devin just called, which helped to get that going a little. He's going to let me hang out with him for a little while this evening. "That's probably kind of awkward. You probably still want to be good friends with her." Yes and yes.

The mixture of feelings is so strange because they are so different. There's the relief of the finality of it. The thought that maybe I will be able to let go of my commitment to him a little more. The thought that it's going to be a heck of a reception for me to attend - hey, I've even had a gift for my friend if it worked out (one that she gave me when I was dating him, but now it should be hers). A little hurt - but maybe the hurt is more about not being in control. A calmness that I can't figure out - is it a blessing from God? shock? something unhealthy because I'm hiding stronger feelings somewhere inside me?

And I was just going to come home and read The Hunger Games and daydream about the rancher. :}

Dating in the 21st Century

I just noticed that I have 400 posts on here - crazy! Anyhow, it's so late that I don't have time to really get into everything I want to write about. This past week was my Spring Break, so I drove North to visit some family and friends. It was really nice to spend some time with my grandparents and my brother and his family (who just moved into a beautiful house - congrats!). I also saw some dear friends, which was great. I went to dinner with one friend, and he chose to go to a different place than I had planned - I'm glad he did because while we were there, in came an uncle of mine, who doesn't live in that town. I would not have seen him otherwise, so that was kind of cool. I also saw a few of my cousins and their families, and it was fun to see their babies and get to know their wives a little bit. I'm glad that I had the chance to go on that little roadtrip.

To address the title of my post - I have joined another online site. I have been kind of unimpressed by what I have seen so far, but I think society is changing so much with technology, and I feel like online is another facet of the dating scene now, so here I am (or, at least, maybe the older a person gets, the more it becomes part of the scene). I actually went on this group get-to-know-more-people thing last night. One of my friends puts together some sort of activity every-so-often, and we invite a ton of people, and then she puts everyone into different groups, so that we can become acquainted with more people while doing something fun. Last night's activity was going to dinner at a local restaurant (but one that is international in theme - the one I went to was Malaysian - yummy!) and then meeting back up for dessert with everyone. My friend made me one of the table captains, which meant that I was just in charge of trying to keep people in my group informed (which I didn't do because I was driving back from my trip - but I had a partner, fortunately) about where to go and when, etc., and I was supposed to try to keep the conversation going at dinner. Anyhow, I didn't know the other table captain - a dude. He seemed really nice, though, and I was reminded that there are people near my age who are in similar places in their lives. I am glad for the reminder that I do have peers.

However, although I would happily get to know him better, he showed absolutely no interest in me, while at the same time, this other guy has written me, and he'll be near my town this week, and do I want to go to dinner? I still don't like the stigma that I feel comes with online dating. More importantly, I don't like not knowing if the person is who he says he is. Even with a blind date, although I don't know the guy, someone that I do know does and is recommending the person. But online - there isn't that kind of reference for the person. But I'm trying to keep an open mind, so I hope the men are legit (although it probably wouldn't hurt to buy some pepper spray, right?).

Dating

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about a guy who I met online. I was sad that I didn't want to continue. I wrote him to end things, and then he wrote such a nice email back that I second-guessed myself and thought to continue. So, I tried, and he was great, but I finally decided that I was just wasting our time. I drove up, we went to dinner, we talked, and I came home. Then I went to a single's conference this weekend, and I thought, 'Why couldn't I want to date him? Then I wouldn't have to be here doing this singles thing that I really don't like being a part of.' Not only that, but he's a decent guy, and I think we have a lot in common, and he was so nice and treated me so well. He built me up and made me feel valued (I mean, this is all premature - but the initial impressions were positive.), but for some reason that I can't figure out - I didn't want to date him. I just wasn't feeling it, you know? And even though I'm saying these things, I feel pretty okay with not getting in deeper. It's just kind of a shame, that's all. So back to the drawing board. And back to trying to figure out how to meet some dudes - it feels pretty tricky.

Phone Call from Garrett in Regards to My Weight Loss

"Hey, Jamie, Marlene says you're a babe!"

I love Marlene. And Garrett.