Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My brother brought this quote to my attention on one website, and then I found it on another

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

- Neil Gaiman (I got it from the Neil Gaiman Wikiquote page. I guess it's from a character in The Sandman)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I can't tell you how annoyed I am that I never posted yesterday - I just didn't think to do it before I went to bed. I posted for 27 days straight, just to lose on the 28th. Uggh. Oh well - there's always next year. The thing I did do, though, is set up an invite for a Christmas party. I told my roommates that this is one final effort to host. We will see what happens. I love Christmas time. I'm looking forward to decorating the house, and I'm hoping people will come and sing and eat things that will wreck my diet and build gingerbread houses and so on. One of my roommates is enough in to having a tree that we (mostly she, if I remember right) buys one each year. I don't know if we'll have it by the party, but I'm definitely looking forward to that, too. This evening I took a little walk in my neighborhood, and I was pleasantly surprised to see as many trees and lights as I did.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Christmas Season

Yesterday, one of the first things my roommate asked me was, "Do you know what day it is?" My answer was incorrect - it was her day to put up Christmas lights. I don't think I've been home when she's put them up before, so yesterday it became my privilege to follow her around with the lights and the clips that hold the strands to the eaves. I also got to climb the ladder for the highest part, as she was nervous. I say that because I am such a fearful person that it feels nice to not be afraid of some things sometimes. This is a great time of year. I was happy to turn on the Christmas music and will enjoy listening to it for the next month. My brother and sister-in-law are going to come watch A Christmas Carol with me tonight - the one with George C Scott. I love that version. I'm thinking of hosting a Christmas party soon - even with my rotten record, as of late (Maybe I need to start identifying more with Charlie Brown.). I was thinking we could decorate gingerbread houses and/or carol and/or have a white-elephant gift exchange and/or do some service. Ideas?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Some of My Favorite Things

I am going to write about two things I am thankful for. First, I am thankful for old movies. I recently learned that one of my co-workers doesn't like to watch anything from before around 1975 - isn't that awful?! My roommate and I watched Guys and Dolls tonight. I love it! I was thinking about how I'm kind of strange, I think, for being into old movies and for having watched many. In high school, TCM was one of my favorite stations. And I also thought about how my children will be strange, too, because they will know who Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Cary Grant, etc. were.

The other thing I wanted to write about was my niece, who you've heard a lot about over the last 2 1/2 years. I got to take her to the park for about an hour today. We fed the ducks. We rode the little train that drives around. And she went down a couple of slides. Her dad texted and called for me to bring her back so that they could go eat lunch with her mother, who was working today. When I told my niece, she replied something like, "No, not today," or something that was supposed to mean that she wanted to stay at the park. However, she let me take her back. During the car ride back, she asked me if I was going to come eat lunch with her at the doctor's office (her mom is a nurse). I would have loved to have done that, especially since I didn't get much time with the family this weekend, but I explained that I wasn't invited. "Okay. You have to go home, Jamie." "That's right. I have to go home." It was sure fun spending that brief hour with her - she loves me, and I love her, and I don't have to worry about her hurting me (at least not for a few years yet).

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Muppets

This evening, I am thankful for the Muppets (Really, I am thankful for my family, but I'm going to write about the muppets.). My brother, sister-in-law, and I went to watch the new movie this evening. I feel guilty because I shouldn't be spending money on movies, but I LOVE the muppets. Maybe it stems from my uncle giving me a Kermit the Frog when I was a baby. Whatever the reason, I adore them. So, this evening we went, and I LOVED it! I am kind of surprised that they didn't have more cameos than they did; however, they did have several, including Mickey Rooney (who, I just learned, is 91 years old!). I think I identified a little too much with some of the songs, and I came close to crying, but I think I made it through without actually shedding a tear. One of the fun things about the movie was being in an audience with lots of other "grown-ups" and listening to people enjoy the movie; there was a lot of laughter, which was great. It was awesome, and I hope there are more good Muppet times to come.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

Today I am thankful for a place to go to spend Thanksgiving. My parents went out of state this year, and I didn't have someone special to spend it with. However, I my brother's in-laws invited me to their dinner, and I was able to go and enjoy that. I was a little nervous about how comfortable I would feel because I only know my sister-in-law's immediate family, and the dinner was at an uncle's house, so there were going to be many people I don't know. They were nice, though, and I felt alright. Grandma talked to me a little, which was fun. And my sister-in-law's father and uncle reminisced on their events from their childhood. It was a really nice dinner with yummy food and good people. Earlier, I saw a man selling newspapers in the median, which made me sad. I'm so thankful to be blessed with my needs and many wants, even, and I hope I can help others' needs to be met.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


I know I said I was going to write about things I am thankful for, but I decided that tonight I want to write about a first - I think tonight was my first visit to an American bar. I have a roommate who is in a band; I think they normally (maybe always, I don't know) play at bars. I've never been to see her perform before, and tonight was her last performance with the band, so I wanted to go. Anyhow, I don't know how bars work, but it wasn't too intimidating. I don't drink, so I felt a little bad, but I did buy dinner.

Anyhow, the band was really fun. My roommate plays the flute and sings. There was also a drummer, a couple of guitarists, a couple of saxophones, and a trumpeter/trombone player. They played a variety of song styles, from jazz, to rock, to disco, etc. My roommate has a lovely voice, and she and everyone else were fun to listen to.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I guess some people use this week to write about things they are thankful for. I'm late on the uptake with that, but maybe I will try that for the rest of the week. A few days ago I emailed someone I know to ask him to forgive me for something. When he wrote back, he spoke of us sometimes needing "little nudge"s to keep us where we should be. He readily forgave me and didn't even seem upset. I am thankful for people who forgive. It's not always easy for me, which is really aggravating because I know that it's important to forgive people (for our own peace of mind, besides other reasons). I'm thankful for the good example of this person who could have been offended with me.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Bangkok and Hard Drives

I went to Office Max today; while there, I looked at external hard drives because I want to get everything off of my laptop before it breaks. There was a sign by the hard drives that said that there are a limited supply right now, due to the flooding in Bangkok. (It also said that each person may only have one, which struck me as kind of funny.) Does that mean that I'm not going to find a super deal on one?

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Another Judas Day

Do you ever wake up just feeling "downy clowny?" That's how I felt this morning and kind of throughout the day. And I didn't have a Carol Channing to cheer me up. I think it has to do with my needing to change some things in my life (well, many things, probably). I desperately need to clean and organize. I am just going through one of those unsettled times in my life, too; I just need to be content and work and wait.

The day is ending better than it began, though, so now I just have to keep on working to change for the better.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Do you ever feel really confused about life? Like, maybe you want something, but if you think about some aspect of it you feel like it is not what you want. But on the other hand, parts of you want it so much. How schizophrenic, eh? But I totally do that. It easy for me to run myself in circles, and when I get to questioning things, then I wonder if there's some divine help that I should be paying attention to - or is it just me? If you are not like me in this respect, be grateful. Very, very grateful.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

MIT and Artichokes

Today I found another song by the MIT Logarhythms that I REALLY like and would love to share, but it's not appropriate. The soloist has such a good voice, though. And he's cute, which never hurts. It looks to me like there are several acapella groups covering pop, and I kind of like it.

And now for something totally unrelated to the first paragraph - I think I cooked artichoke hearts for the first time tonight. I mean, I know I cooked them; I just don't think I have ever done so before - unless I ever helped my roommate. I made this chicken dish that involved diced tomatoes and artichoke hearts. One of my roommates really likes fresh artichokes. Occasionally she cooks them and then dips them in butter - that's her preferred way to eat them. I just bought canned. Artichokes aren't my favorite flavor, but I think it was a kind of yummy dish.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Couple of Songs

Last night was one of my Youtube-ing movie dance scenes nights. Before that, I watched some music videos and listened to some music. I had forgotten about this one. Besides that sad love song that fits into the genre of songs I've been posting lately, I tried to see if the University of Oregon's acapella group, On the Rocks, has a Facebook page. I don't think they do, but one thing led to another, and pretty soon I had Spotify on my laptop, and I ended up listening to this song by another acapella group (MIT Logarhythms), which I really like. I can't find a good recording on Youtube, so I found the original? artist for it, so you can listen to it if you want. Or you could listen to the version I heard on Spotify.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


So I just watched this Teen Girl Squad cartoon that I haven't seen for a long time. There was something at my house tonight that reminded me of it. I never got too into Teen Girl Squad, but I did like that one. Back in college (kind of weird that I can say that) my roommates and I used to have these Strongbad email viewings, which were always fun - probably a good brain break from time to time. What do you watch if you need a good laugh?

Monday, November 14, 2011


Isn't it so funny and ridiculous how scared we can be of arachnids? Tonight my roommate was going to take a bunch of fruit out to the compost, when something caught her eye upon opening our sliding glass door. Down in the crack below where the door normally rests, was a spider. He wasn't HUGE, but he wasn't a small guy, either. We just kind of stared at him. Fortunately, I remembered seeing some raid at our house. I went and found it. My roommate got a shoe and paper towel. The furniture nearby was moved out of the way in case he decided to come inside instead of obliging us and going outside.

I began to spray, and he began to move. HE CAME INSIDE! But, pobrecito!, he didn't come in very far because the poison got him, either by virtue of the poison or by drowning in it. Then we had to figure out how to remove the body, which really grosses me out. My roommate decided that if she had the dust pan that she would be okay with scooping him into it and then flicking him out into the backyard, which is what she did. I feel kind of bad, but I once a spider like that is discovered, it's too creepy to not do something about it.

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Today's talks at church were on pride. One of the speakers referred to the Beware of Pride talk given by Pres. Benson many years back. It is a really good talk, and I was reminded that it's probably about time (I'm probably past due, in fact.) that I re-read it. Pride is a sin that gets me again and again. This afternoon, right after church, I attended choir practice, and I had a hard time hearing and singing my part. I thought about it later tonight and about how it's probably good that I'm not better at singing because I am often prideful about it even without being great. I hope that I can get those parts down AND remember to not be prideful about it.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Ice Cream

One of my favorite moments this weekend occurred last night. I was visiting my sister and her family. My other sister and her husband were there, too. We were eating supper, and when my niece finished her dinner, she began to tell us that she wanted ice cream. She kept repeating her desire, and we had to keep telling her that her dad and uncle would go get some (ice cream seemed like a good idea to everyone else) after we were all finished. I think we had all finally left the table, except for my brother-in-law. I guess he finished his food because all of a sudden my niece exclaimed something like, "Oh, yes!!! Now we go get ice cream!" My sisters will have to correct me on what she said, exactly, but it was just a hoot because she was so enthusiastic. She accompanied the guys to buy it, and when they got back, I think she headed straight for a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a bowl and spoon for herself and then took them to the table, ready for her treat.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran's Day

Earlier this week, a man from my former church congregation spoke about his experiences in Vietnam. I went to listen; it was really interesting. I cried at one of his stories. I'm glad I got to hear some of him, though, because it is good to be reminded that there are people who sacrifice for us and for our ideals. I may have mentioned it last year, but one of my grandfathers was a pilot during WWII; my other grandfather served during the Korean War, although he was never deployed there. I also believe that I have ancestors who fought in the Revolutionary War. I'm grateful for my relatives and friends and all the other people who have served or do serve.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

No Joke

When I got to school this morning, one of the boys who dumped the chocolate cakes asked, "Did you see the dead javelina on the side of the road?" I did. He was by some pecan fields. It was a ways from the school but not more than a mile or two. What are the odds? I hope it wasn't the cake.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Feeding the Javelina

Have I ever blogged about feeding the javelina? My school husband dumps old food out behind our school "for the javelina," and I do it now, too. Even several students know what it means if one of us tells them to "go feed the javelina." There's a barrel cactus back there that I usually dump old food or fruit peels by. Have I ever seen a javelina at school? Yes. I can't recall if I saw one or a few, but there was a morning where I saw at least one. There's scat back there, I think, although I don't know who's it is. There are a number of different animals that probably enjoy our scraps.

I brought three birthday cakes to school yesterday, but I didn't frost them, so I put them in the bottom of this cabinet in the office; I planned on bringing frosting today. But then, yesterday afternoon, the pest control guy came. I don't think they normally spray inside, but yesterday he did, and though I'm certain the cakes were okay, I got scared, so today a couple of students went and dumped the cakes. We decided if we see dead javelina back there tomorrow, we will know the cakes were poisoned - that or javelina can't take chocolate cakes.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Ground Chicken

Have you ever had ground chicken? I don't know if I have, but I did tonight. My roommate made this yummy chicken chili recipe for dinner - it was great! Speaking of roommates cooking dinner, I don't know if I have talked about it before on here, but I'm so glad when I have roommates who will take turns cooking. I don't like cooking for myself, and I don't think I would like to cook everyday, either, so it's great when there are others who will take turns with me. At some point I guess I'll have to learn to like cooking everyday, but I think at that point it will be worth it, whether I like if or not.

Monday, November 7, 2011


Uggh. Something positive . . . hmmm . . . ok. You may very well already know how I feel about t.v. I'm not really in to it. However, I have started watching Once Upon a Time on Hulu. I saw the ads for the show all over Facebook; I even think I saw some billboards for it. I really like fairy tales, so that's what drew me to it. I watched the first episode by myself. Then I watched the first and second with my roommate, who is apparently sucked in, too, because tonight she wanted to watch the third one, which we did. It's written by the same people who wrote Lost, I believe. Fortunately, I never got sucked into that. I'm hoping this show isn't as long or as full of unanswered questions as I feel like I've heard Lost was.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Relying on the Savior

Last night I read a paragraph from this conference talk that quoted from the following verse:

4 And after they had been received unto baptism, and were wrought upon and acleansed by the power of the Holy Ghost, they were numbered among the people of the bchurch of Christ; and their cnames were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually dwatchful unto prayer, erelying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.
(Moroni 6:4)

The portion that the talk quoted is from the last part of the verse where it speaks of "relying alone upon the merits of Christ." "Relying alone" stuck out to me - I know it is only through Christ that I can be saved. However, I get discouraged and frustrated with myself for constantly falling short. God gives us commandments, and we are supposed to keep them. I have made covenants with God that I will keep His commandments. And yet, I sin all the time. It's easy to feel really upset with myself and like I just can never make the grade. And that last part is true - I'm not going to make the grade. But if I can just remember and learn how to better rely alone on the merits of Christ, who never sinned but paid the penalties of all of my sins, then that gives me hope. I will fail me, but Christ won't.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

What I Saw in a Teenager Today

My school's main campus had a yard sale today. I don't think I would have gone to help, but the teacher who heads it each year told me that she intended to share the proceeds with all of the school sites, so I felt like I better go and help. I'm glad I did. It was a beautiful day out, and i got to visit with some of my colleagues that I rarely see, due to working at a different location. I got to hold a baby for a little while (One of the teachers had a little girl a few months or so ago). And one of the students was a really good example to me. This homeless-looking man came with his dog, and this student was cordial and treated him just like any of the other customers. He didn't seem uncomfortable, he didn't avoid him like many of us probably would (and like many of us who where there did, I guess). I'm glad for his example today that reminds me that I need to be less judgmental and more kind.

Friday, November 4, 2011

If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

That is a writing prompt from Nablopomo, and I like it. You see, I have a roommate who has noticeably lost weight in the time I've known her, so I decided to ask her how she did it. She told me, and I decided to try. I bought the book she told me about, and now I'm trying to eat according to the book's plan. I feel pretty cranky, so I hope that means something beneficial is happening. If I knew that my next meal was going to be my last, I would eat a juicy, rare steak, and I would put salt on it. I would have loaded mashed potatoes and a bunch of buttery, garlicky steamed veggies. There would be delicious, hot rolls to eat. I would drink just-made strawberry lemonade. For dessert I would have a big slice of New York style cheesecake, and I would drink a glass of milk with it. And I sure hope that my next meal isn't my last because I certainly won't be eating that for breakfast.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Happy Nablopomo

We're back in Nablopomo right now, meaning I will be trying to post each day this month. I also want to attempt Nanowrimo, which I have tried in the past, if you recall, but I have never been successful. If you don't know what it is, Nanowrimo is where you write a novel in a month. There are rules about how long it has to be - I don't recall the number of words, but I feel like it takes a good amount of dedication and time to be able to crank it out. I could work on one of a couple of unfinished stories, but I think I'm going to try something new. The thing is, I only came up with a topic today, and I don't really know how to start or what to write - I just have a very basic concept. Mostly, I know what I want it to deal with and how I want it to feel. I'm not very good at seeing projects to the end. I have been through (or almost gone through) a few really important life events that I have or believe I would have seen through. But less-important-to-life projects - I'm not so good at that. I hope you're better at finishing things than I am.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I Have that Dan in Real Life Quote Going Through My Head

This evening I met up with the ex-boy because I wanted to talk to him about some things. Trust me that it was kind of legit - regardless of any masochistic tendencies on my part, there were some okay reasons for this, I believe. However, when I met back up with my roommate and she put her arm around me and asked me how I was doing, I had to respond, "I still have a lot of feelings for him."

"I believe it," she replied.

It's kind of frustrating because I think it would be nice to be able to be friends with him again and to not have to weigh the consequences - "Am I willing to go through how I'll feel the next couple of days after seeing him? How soon will I be able to convince myself that the hope is a lie?"

Tonight went pretty well, though. It was pleasant. I gained a little insight for myself that I wasn't expecting that made me understand a little more about why we ended, and I think I will appreciate knowing those things.

However, how hard to sit there feeling love for someone and knowing that they don't have that kind of love to return to you.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

God Answers Prayers

He answered my pleading regarding that work issue. I am so grateful. I was waiting to hear back from my boss today; he never replied to the email. However, this afternoon I had a meeting at our main campus, and before the meeting he told me the good news. Once again, I'm grateful. Sometimes I feel like He is so very merciful to us.