Sunday, April 29, 2012

Another Dream

I still really want to write about my thoughts on morality and it's decay in our society, but I don't have time.  Therefore, I will only say that I had another dream last night - this time he was the only one that was physically present in it.  My friend wasn't there, but she was still in my thoughts.  My sister told me she doesn't think I should write out my dreams on here, so I won't go into detail.  However, it was actually a nice dream with some closure - only it was just a dream.  I woke up and thought, "Oh, it was a dream.  It wouldn't really happen that way."  Sigh.  It's bothering me more that my friend and I haven't talked - I think I need to work on changing that.  And maybe if I face them - in the flesh - I won't have to keep up with them in my dreams.

Sunday, April 22, 2012


I think it's been awhile since I have dreamed about the ex-boy, but the last couple of nights both he and his fiance have paid me visits.  A couple of nights ago, I was going to a church activity with my family.  I saw them, and I think I told my dad that I couldn't stay, and I tried to leave.  They may have seen me as I walked down the street with my mother (in the rain, I think), but I didn't look to see if they noticed me.

Last night, they were taking engagement pictures.  I think my friend's mother was driving a van to his place.  I was sitting in the back, and I think my friend, his fiance, was up front, along with her sister, maybe (who is also my friend).  I told my friend that I would probably leave his place before he got there.  He showed up while I was outside behind his house.  I delayed getting out of there for a moment, thinking it was too late to make my escape.  But then I still decided to go, and I walked across the back of his house and to a nearby university, where I think I kept walking through different places, trying to stay away and unseen by him.  As I came out of one building, I saw a good friend of mine (also a good friend of the ex's) with his wife.  I was surprised to see them because they live abroad, but there they were.  I asked them if they were there to see my ex, or if they had already seen them, or something.  "What?"  So I pointed up these stairs and down the way a little bit, to where my ex and his fiance were in the middle of pictures - I think they were kissing.  Then I went in the building, to try to find a football game that my friend who's abroad encouraged me to attend.  Random dream and not random at the same time - good ol' sub-conscious.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Can a Girl Believe What a Boy Tells Her?

It's kind of amazing how dense I am when it comes to figuring out dudes. That date that I have mentioned recently - I still believe it was a total blessing, and I'm very grateful that it happened when it did because:
a) it made the ex-boy's engagement much more bearable
b) I liked it.

However, once again I'm feeling pretty confused at being told one thing and then feeling like the guy 180'd on what he said. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm scared that I might not be. Uggh. Frustration!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter

I hope that you have had a good one. An apostle from my church just made the following statement last week:

"I do not know who in this vast audience today may need to hear the message of forgiveness inherent in this parable [He spoke of the parable of the laborers of the vineyard - Matthew 20.], but however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

"Whether you are not yet of our faith or were with us once and have not remained, there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning. 'Come boldly [to] the throne of grace,' and fall at the feet of the Holy One of Israel. Come and feast 'without money and without price' at the table of the Lord."

(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Laborers in the Vineyard," April 2012 General Conference)

Isn't it amazing what Christ's atonement can do for us? We just have to let it. We have to be willing to try to believe that the Savior can and will help us, no matter what we have or have not done. That's the tricky part because we will have thoughts that we can't change or that we've gone too far. Or we hold on to hurt and pain and anger and refuse to let go of the things that hold us back from feeling Christ's love like we could feel it.

The resurrection of Jesus Christ was such an important event because it gives us hope that He really was the Son of God and that Heavenly Father's plan for us really will be fulfilled. And, because Christ was resurrected, we will all be resurrected. The resurrection lets us know that we really can trust in the Savior and turn to Him. I believe I will spend the rest of my life trying to learn how to let Him help me, but He is loving and patient and will allow me to keep learning throughout my life, for which I am very grateful.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

One Year

Funny how we remember certain anniversaries. Interesting how much has happened from that day to this. I feel like more has happened for him than for me - I mean, several girls later and now a fiance for him. But he always was busier and had more going on than I did. His life pace was always quicker. I guess I've done some things that I had a little more control over. I hope I'm better today than I was one year ago tonight. I know it's better that I am where I am than where I wanted to be - silly that we don't always want what is best for us. And there are so many areas of myself that need improvement, so I can keep working on them and be a better version of me for someone else.