This evening I met up with the ex-boy because I wanted to talk to him about some things. Trust me that it was kind of legit - regardless of any masochistic tendencies on my part, there were some okay reasons for this, I believe. However, when I met back up with my roommate and she put her arm around me and asked me how I was doing, I had to respond, "I still have a lot of feelings for him."
"I believe it," she replied.
It's kind of frustrating because I think it would be nice to be able to be friends with him again and to not have to weigh the consequences - "Am I willing to go through how I'll feel the next couple of days after seeing him? How soon will I be able to convince myself that the hope is a lie?"
Tonight went pretty well, though. It was pleasant. I gained a little insight for myself that I wasn't expecting that made me understand a little more about why we ended, and I think I will appreciate knowing those things.
However, how hard to sit there feeling love for someone and knowing that they don't have that kind of love to return to you.