Sunday, May 20, 2012

First Sighting

Today I had my first sighting of the happy couple.  I have been avoiding being places where I have thought I would see them because it just feels uncomfortable to me.  A week ago my roommate and I went to an activity.  As I pulled up, I saw a familiar motorcycle.  I hadn't anticipated him being there, and I didn't feel like I could do it, so I went home.  This weekend I stayed away from two parties.  But today, while I was attending a different congregation for church, my ex-boyfriend and my friend came walking by, hand in hand.  Fortunately for me, I just had another dream about them last night, and they were holding hands in that, so I figure I had already been through that.  Anyway, the other two members of the presidency that I'm a part of at church were there with me.  One of them offered to tell me a worse story to cheer me up and the other one told me she would set me up with her 23 year old son if I wanted.  :)  I love how they try to take care of me.

Anyway, I continue to feel foolish and immature, but I just don't like the idea of seeing them because it hurts.  It feels uncomfortable.  As one of my roommates said, "They're fine and happy, and you're left in the dust."  I told Lu that I don't know if I'll be able to handle it until I'm in another relationship and she suggested that that is because it is then that I will feel like my heart is safe - there might be some truth to that.  In the meantime, I might continue to avoid seeing them as much as I can - except for in my dreams, which they seem to visit frequently.  Now I just have to decide if I can go through with getting together with my friend, which I think she wants to do.  If I don't want to deal with it, (as Lu pointed out) she's in happy engaged land, so she will be okay.

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