I wish I had written so many more times in the past six or seven months so that you and I would have a clearer idea about what has gone on in them. I didn't, though, and now I can't chronicle the rest of my relationship because the boy broke up with me again - this time with the specific intention to really be done. He tends to stay friends with his ex-girlfriends, and I have long held to the idea that I would be similar, so we will see if I can handle remaining on friendly terms. Not that we wouldn't, but what I mean is that we will still see each other (we have one or two weekly things together), and so will we be aloof from each other, or will we pretend like we've only ever been good friends? "Hey! How was your week? How are you doing?" kind of thing. We still spent a couple of days together after breaking up - I hear my dad says we don't know how to break up - which probably doesn't seem like the best idea, but I was supposed to play for him to sing in his ward on Sunday, so we kind of had to see each other anyway. And, in a way I feel like it helped me resolve some things - tie up some of the loose ends.
As I have said before, I think this is for the best, but dealing with the loss is not going to be fun. I think I will feel lost for awhile. This morning I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. I'm hoping to use my new-found time to really clean my house, to exercise and meditate, etc. I hope I can work on developing myself into a better person. The more impulsive part of me thinks I'm going to donate my hair this week, too. My hair is not as long as I would like it to be to do that (I think it will be quite short if I donate), so we will see if I have the guts/desperation/determination to go through with it - maybe tomorrow.