Sunday, April 17, 2011

How to Deal with a Break Up, continued

On Thursday I was reminded that one should always be careful about sounding too confident about something. I told my mom that I have really been doing quite well since the break up. Later that evening I had the worst cry-out that I've had in several years regarding a boy. The last time was after I had finally decided that I did want to date this particular guy. I was so excited about it because I knew that I just needed to tell him - then I found out that he had started dating someone else. Anyhow, I think what brought it on was taxes. Taxes are a good reason to cry, but that's not why I was crying, of course. He helped me get mine ready a couple of months back, but I never filed my state taxes. I finally tried to gather things and get it done on Thursday. In the process I came across memories, and that got the waterworks going. I had a question about the form, too, so I actually went and saw him that night after he finished teaching dance. He was just impersonally cordial most of the time. But he finally really looked at me - I wonder if I was still red-rimmed enough for him to suspect what had happened earlier in the evening. He fixed my hair a couple of times. He gave me a real hug after walking me to my car, and I was reminded that I fit well in his arms. Uggh.

Yesterday was kind of sad, too. I had two proms to attend, and he was supposed to be my date. I spent yesterday listening to Comfortably Numb because it was soothing for some reason. Being numb is nice sometimes. That night, during my high school's prom, Twisted came on, and I just wanted him to be there to dance it with me. After that, some Owl City song came on that added to the sadness a little.

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