Wednesday, April 13, 2011

How to Deal with a Break Up

I did go through with it - I donated my hair. Since I was kind of nervous about how short it would be once it was cut, I kind of felt like I wanted to trust whoever was cutting it to make it look good. Because of that I called this more reputable salon that I know does Locks of Love to find out what the damage would be to my pocket if I had them cut it. It turns out the cut is complimentary if you have one of their students do it and it's for Locks of Love. I set up an appointment and went, and so far I'm pleased with the cut. The stylist actually didn't use the front of my hair for the donation, so that was able to stay longer. Not only that, but he was a really nice, calm guy, so it was an okay hour of my life. One of my students said he doesn't like it that I cut my hair, and my School Husband divorced me ("Thanks - first my boyfriend dumps me, and now my school husband divorces. I'm just rejected everywhere!"), but I think all of the other comments from students were positive.

I actually didn't start out to tell you about my hair-cut, although I suppose that plays into the title of my post because I did it because it was something that I had control over. Another thing I recommend doing to deal with a break up is listening to Rob Thomas. I don't even really own much of his music, but Grooveshark lets you create playlists, and that's what I have done, and I feel like Thomas has lots of soothing relationship-trouble songs. I especially recommend Mockingbird and Snowblind. Not only that, but I once heard that he had said something positive about Latter-day Saints (I don't even know if that's true), and I've had a special liking for him ever since.

Anyhow, what I really meant to write about is how I'm going through this guilt thing now. I wish I hadn't been so critical of the boy. I wish I had focused on his strengths more. I wish I hadn't talked about him to other people because things I shared to try to sort things out or vent were only that and did not reflect how great of a person he is, and I'm afraid that there are those who don't know that and do not have an accurate view of him. He wasn't perfect, but none of us are (I am especially imperfect), and he was a gentleman towards me and treated me well. He was thoughtful and romantic.

We had class this evening. I sat next to him, which irritated my loyal, protective roommate - "Why are you doing this? To what end?" but I kind of feel like for me - I'm weird, I know - it might force me to get into friend mode faster. Not only that, but if I had sat somewhere else I'm sure I would not have been any better off with my feelings. I'm not sure what he thought about it, though. He left early, which means that I didn't get to talk to him about it or apologize for everything I feel bad about. You know, I want to be kind, I want to be good - it's frustrating realizing how far I have to go to get there.

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