Doors

The other day one of my co-workers pointed out to me that I should be going to conferences and things for teaching certification purposes. *Groan!! That put me in reality-check land by reminding me that I can't stay at my job forever if I don't do the things the state says I should do to be able to continue to teach. And that reminded me that I don't want to do this forever - perhaps mostly for that reason. I don't know if it's because I'm scared or lazy or both or what, but now I'm reminded that I better get on it and figure out what to do with my life if teaching is not it.

When I graduated from school my plan was not to teach forever. I thought I would teach for a few years at a charter school while working on certification to work at a traditional school. Then I planned on working at a traditional school while in grad school for a higher degree in history. I'm not really sure if I had a plan for after that, other than maybe teaching at a college level or doing research or something, but it wasn't to be a high school teacher for the rest of my life. Actually, my dream was to do something philanthropic.

However, what to do next? Especially with a degree in history and the economy the way it is. Part of my beef with jobs that require you to do more than 40 hours a week is that I want to do other things after eight hours a day, like attend Institute classes, do service, and relax. Is that selfish? Probably, but I don't handle a lot of things at once very well. I feel bad for saying that I want time to do service because while that is very true, it's few and far between that I actually do it. I guess I want the opportunity, though, and I don't want to be so busy doing other things that I can't.

My question to you all, then, is this: What should I do with my life? Before you answer my question, I should probably tell you that I want (and probably need) something that is low stress. I don't want a job that takes a lot of chutzpah (my roommate helped me figure out that word - the one that came to my mind was vulgar) or involves a lot of responsibility (that goes back to the stress issue). I also need to be able to provide. Do those requirements and expectations not work together? Probably not, eh? If you have any ideas, though, please feel free to shoot them my way.

I was discussing my dilemma with Roommate earlier tonight, and she said something like, "Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe we should be focusing on trying to get a husband more than trying to figure out a career." While there is nothing I would like better than a man to take care of me (and I would be totally okay with staying home and cleaning the house and making dinner), and while I feel very much at a loss as to what my options are career-wise, I feel even less able to secure a husband, so I think we're going to have to focus on the job question.

I hope that someday (the near future would be preferable) everything will make sense to me and I'll feel like I know what my course is. As was pointed out at church today (our topic this month is about the exact things I'm worried about - imagine that), the Lord's timetable is different than ours, so I need to be patient and try to put one foot in front of the other, for the time being. And Mom and Dad, don't get too worried about this - I will try to be responsible about it.