Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Do you ever feel like just breaking down because life feels so out of kilter? I am getting progressively worse again about missing the boy, which you probably know from yesterday's song. My heart keeps refusing to accept what my mind knows. I wrote my mission president a couple of days ago, and he and his wife wrote back and told me that the way my relationship was makes what I'm going through now kind of like a divorce, which at least sort of validates to me why this is so hard. In fact, isn't divorce one of those "top hardest life experiences" things?

Another thing that I believe makes that list is moving, and that's a possibility I'm facing right now. I love my house. I love where it is. I love the things it has. I love the things in it. However, my landlord is raising rent and there aren't enough of us here to keep rent down to what I think I can reasonable pay while trying to save money for a car to replace my current car that is getting old and sad. Therefore, it might be wise to move. However, I feel so stressed out about moving that I don't know if I can handle doing it right now.

These two things are enough to make me want to break down and cry or curl up in a ball and try to pretend like the world doesn't exist. At least the moving decision needs to be made within the next couple of weeks. Either I will be here, or I will be somewhere else at that point, and then that stress should be gone. As for the other stresser, I'm starting work again and hoping that having that back in my life will keep me from thinking about the boy so much.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Jamie just give it time. Time does wonders in healing a broken heart. Distracting yourself is another great thing. You will pull through and be blessed for it. It always works out. I know it does. Keep the faith!