Friday, January 7, 2011


Besides the fact that this breakup is affecting me directly, it's kind of interesting to experience what I assume are typical phases of dealing with being dumped. The first two days were intense emotion and lots of crying and shock. I could hardly eat, and various other body systems underwent changes - I'm still dealing with some of that. The next two days were continued shock, I think, ups and downs in my mood, and numbness that made me think, Am I over him so fast? Did I actually not love him but just made myself think I did? Then, last night, I looked up (stalker, I know, but Facebook makes it so easy) pictures and videos of him and I felt my heart again. Today has been pain - in my stomach and in my heart - that physical ache and yearning for that someone who is not there. Right now I feel like I'm getting more and more into the Oh please come back! thing. I've heard that once I hit the anger stage that I'm almost over it - I'm not there. So, in this current heartache place, I'm indulging myself. I put him on my desktop - I don't know if I can really keep that up, but I'm trying to get in what I can before a week from Saturday. We are going to a show that night - it's been planned for a long time - unless he cancels on me, and it is my goal to remove signs of him from my life after that until I am my own person again and free from that chain that runs from my heart to him. Unless my hope is granted (which I don't believe is likely).
I think I'm doing pretty well, though, and I'm so grateful for all of the prayers that are being said for me right now and all of the people who are letting me talk to them. I think God is blessing me so much right now; He is so tender in His care.

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