The Babies and Me

Could you ever say no to a face like that?
The newest of the clan.

Another Breakup Song

Here's yet another good breakup song.

Kids are Great

What an interesting week this has been. Not that anything terribly exciting on the outside has happened, but it's been a different sort of week for me and my psyche, I guess. I had my first week at school with my kids, and I think that was a huge contributor. I'm so glad to be back with the students and to have that focus in my life. I have almost the same class as I did last year, which is nice. Oh - and my coworker told me that the other class calls me The Terminator, which I'm taking as a pretty big compliment. I'm not exactly sure what they mean by it, but I guess they must think I'm tough. Besides the blessing of being back at school, I got a hug and kiss from my niece last night before she and her family returned to their city. I didn't get to hang out with her, but they stopped by to return a pillow to me (I forgot it at their place last time I was there), so I at least got a hug. I carried her out to the car and then went to the other side of the car to say hi to my nephew, who was all smiley and coo-ie, so it was a pretty nice minute or two.

SuperGirl

Sometimes I write and publish posts that I'm not sure that I should really write and publish. Here is one of them: Today makes four months. What better way to mark it than to introduce myself to the famous ex-girlfriend that haunted me for much of the relationship? I was aware of her even before dating the boy. I know many people who know her, and she has quite the reputation as being this amazing, talented girl. I figured she was the female equivalent to this friend of mine (incidentally, he's one of the people I know that knows her). Well, I heard many references to her while dating the boy. He always seemed to want us to meet; he thought we would like each other and be friends. When we would be visiting the city she lives in, he would often suggest we go see her. I didn't say no, but I was not at all displeased when it wouldn't work out. Towards the end, I started to think that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to meet. Then he broke up with me, and I didn't think it would be appropriate to Facebook her, although I kind of wanted to. When I got back from my summer trip recently, I went to visit my sister and her family for several days. We went to lunch this one day. Awhile into lunch, my sister asked, "So have you ever met SuperGirl? She's here." You see, my brother-in-law knew her through some church education stuff, and now they are all part of the same congregation. It looked like SuperGirl was at lunch with co-workers, so I didn't think that would be the appropriate time to go up and say, "So you probably don't know me, but I thought I'd say hi because I've heard so much about you. We both dated the boy." However, as you see, my world can be kind of small, so I figured it was only a matter of time until we did meet. I just wasn't thinking about it possibly being today when I went to my sister's congregation, so I wasn't very prepared for it. I figured I might as well go through with it, though. It would have bothered me more not to do it. And it's interesting how this person, who has heard about me but wasn't super aware of me, is someone who I have been VERY aware of for a long time. But now the intro is out of the way, and if we are in the same place at the same time again, I can be more at ease. This summer, another mutual friend of ours told me that given any other circumstance I probably would love to know her. If we continue to bump into each other, maybe we will become friends and we will laugh about our connection and my insecurities about dating a boy who dated a SuperGirl before me.

STRESS!

Do you ever feel like just breaking down because life feels so out of kilter? I am getting progressively worse again about missing the boy, which you probably know from yesterday's song. My heart keeps refusing to accept what my mind knows. I wrote my mission president a couple of days ago, and he and his wife wrote back and told me that the way my relationship was makes what I'm going through now kind of like a divorce, which at least sort of validates to me why this is so hard. In fact, isn't divorce one of those "top hardest life experiences" things?

Another thing that I believe makes that list is moving, and that's a possibility I'm facing right now. I love my house. I love where it is. I love the things it has. I love the things in it. However, my landlord is raising rent and there aren't enough of us here to keep rent down to what I think I can reasonable pay while trying to save money for a car to replace my current car that is getting old and sad. Therefore, it might be wise to move. However, I feel so stressed out about moving that I don't know if I can handle doing it right now.

These two things are enough to make me want to break down and cry or curl up in a ball and try to pretend like the world doesn't exist. At least the moving decision needs to be made within the next couple of weeks. Either I will be here, or I will be somewhere else at that point, and then that stress should be gone. As for the other stresser, I'm starting work again and hoping that having that back in my life will keep me from thinking about the boy so much.

Sad Song

If we had any songs, I would say one of them was Parachute, by Sara Bareilles. Here's another of Sara's song that I happened upon tonight.

Another Song

I mean to blog about my summer sometime; I just haven't done it yet. I think I heard this song recently, which I'm relating to. I can't quite say the last part yet, but I think I'm a little closer. I guess time is working on me little by little. Really I think Someone else is working on me; at least I'm hoping that I am letting Him.

I went by the Institute of Religion today to see if I could find some prospective roommates, and my favorite teacher was there. He's one of those people who makes you feel like you're unique and special. I've really enjoyed the classes I've taken from him, but I can only take night classes, and he's not teaching at night these days, so I don't get to see him very often. I had kind of hoped he would be there, but even when I found out he was I still considered not knocking on his open office door. I'm glad I did. He invited me in and we chatted a little - about my summer and some of the people I saw, about teaching, and some other things. He gives me more credit than is accurate, but it's nice to have a few people in your life who think more of you than you are - it reminds you to try to be better.